I remember getting the news of your passing and feeling a gnawing feeling of cold spread throughout my body.
I got in the car just drove, in a zombie-like state not remembering how I got here. I just remember the pangs of loss, regret… And numbness.
I climbed to the top of these rocks and broke down and cried until my eyes were swollen shut. After my emotions leveled, I realized that I been sitting here for a couple of hours.
It hasn’t been that long ago or so it would seem. I keep rehashing that last conversation we had, wishing that I could have it back, so that I could infuse the dialogue with substance.
I had assumed that I had plenty of time for heartfelt expression and communicating the affinity that I held for you, but it wasn’t meant to be.
Sadly, it was one of my greatest regrets and one of the most powerful lessons, that we are living on borrowed time.
It is a haughty ignorance that leads us to think that we are architects of our own fate, instead of being cognizant that we are merely passengers on the pontoon of life without the benefit of a rudder.
You showed me what the definition of cool was, you personified it and wore it on your sleeve. You oozed confidence and electrified a room with a laugh which seemed to come from the core of your bone marrow, it is appropriate that this laugh echoes and comforts me to this day.
You weren’t the tallest person as measured in feet and inches, but for me you were a giant nonetheless. You influenced me in a number of ways and knowing that I missed an opportunity to communicate the power of the gifts that you unselfishly gave to me when it was on my heart constantly eats away at me.
I know that you are in a far better place, but the selfishness that governs me wishes that you were here to be in receipt of my feeble appreciation runs deeply.
You always warned me:
“Don’t be a knucklehead.”
That being said, I am acutely aware that you aren’t gone, but you were merely on loan as we as we all are.
I miss, love and appreciate you Unc, until we meet again.