I remember standing in the hospital room, numb.
My stupor was broken, when the nurse said:
“Mr. Patterson, you can come in…”
I moved as if my limbs were – fused in place, but I eventually I made my way in.
The sounds of the surrounding environment seemed to go right through me.
As I recall the surreal events of that day some of the things that stood out…
I remember the feeling the warmth from the florescent lights on my skin.
The people shuffling around with a sense of purpose was jarring, little did I know, that they would serve as a metaphor for the greatest undertaking of my life.
I was a shell of a being.
Fatherhood has a definition that anyone can comprehend – but until the title is bestowed upon the recipient – the gravity is impossible to quantify.
I also remember my Father chuckling as he told me.
“Son, it isn’t about you anymore.”
I remember holding my son for the first time, he squinted his eyes and contorted his face and for a split second he was silent.
I was convinced that we were having a moment – before he erupted in a ear piercing squeal.
And… The nurse scooped him out of my arms.
In those few minutes, that seemed like an eternity.
I made a commitment, one that I often wonder if I was able to meet.
I promised that I would make sure that you wouldn’t be as good of a man as I was…
I resolved that you would be better than me in every measure.
That I would speak truth to my shortcomings and hypocrisies, exposing them to the light so that the stench could repel and serve as a reminder of me being launching pad for you to be better.
And over 2 decades later, I stand in gratitude that my proclamation has reached the ears of the Almighty.
Any Father worth his mettle should always endeavor to bathe in the eclipse of their sons.
I am proud.
My faith is redeemed.
You are a better man than your predecessor.
You are making the Earth shake – if you don’t feel it.
Just be still.
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