A letter to my cousin…

It is always different when it is someone else.

Some faceless person, a name without a reference takes away the inhumanity of it all.

Until it’s not.

When I heard, hot tears flowed freely, it seemed like I couldn’t wipe them away fast enough as it felt like they were burning my face.

It is a hollow feeling of nothingness enveloping, providing me with company that I don’t want to keep.

I’m scared because I know that void that our family must contend with will be filled.

As far as what it will be filled with I am uncertain.

Can you hear me Cuz?

I feel hatred.

I want to welcome vengeance.

I want what they meted out to infect everyone that they love.

I’m better than them or am I the same?

We live on borrowed time – I know this, but these reminders of the fact don’t make it hurt any less.

I didn’t know where to go.

So here I sit, in a solace of sorts as my emotions go through a violent oscillation of sadness and anger.

I am you – and that part has been snatched away, dead.

Rest easy cousin – we will soldier on because that is the only option we have.

Now you’re part of the greatest fraternity – our ancestors, there is glory in that, but it hurts nonetheless.

Love,

Big Cuz.

8 thoughts on “A letter to my cousin…

  1. We can never prepare ourselves for the loss of certain people. I know what helps me is letting the tears flow. Allowing myself to be angry. Not suppressing my feelings because I know they’ll drown me if I let them.

    My condolences.

    Liked by 1 person

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