A letter to my cousin…

It is always different when it is someone else.

Some faceless person, a name without a reference takes away the inhumanity of it all.

Until it’s not.

When I heard, hot tears flowed freely, it seemed like I couldn’t wipe them away fast enough as it felt like they were burning my face.

It is a hollow feeling of nothingness enveloping, providing me with company that I don’t want to keep.

I’m scared because I know that void that our family must contend with will be filled.

As far as what it will be filled with I am uncertain.

Can you hear me Cuz?

I feel hatred.

I want to welcome vengeance.

I want what they meted out to infect everyone that they love.

I’m better than them or am I the same?

We live on borrowed time – I know this, but these reminders of the fact don’t make it hurt any less.

I didn’t know where to go.

So here I sit, in a solace of sorts as my emotions go through a violent oscillation of sadness and anger.

I am you – and that part has been snatched away, dead.

Rest easy cousin – we will soldier on because that is the only option we have.

Now you’re part of the greatest fraternity – our ancestors, there is glory in that, but it hurts nonetheless.

Love,

Big Cuz.

8 Comments

  1. Sorry for your loss. On the one hand, I want to like this because it’s well written… but why it was written makes me feel bad about liking it. So I’ll leave this comment. You are in my prayers.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. shunpwrites says:

      Thank you for your kind words, I appreciate that.

      Like

  2. kelley says:

    We can never prepare ourselves for the loss of certain people. I know what helps me is letting the tears flow. Allowing myself to be angry. Not suppressing my feelings because I know they’ll drown me if I let them.

    My condolences.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. shunpwrites says:

      Thank you, I appreciate the insight.

      Like

  3. wow sending my condolences and comfort 🙂 It’s never easy to lose loved ones – deep words here….

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I have experienced that feeling when only you know how you feel inside.
    ….milestones to headstones…

    Stay strong.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. shunpwrites says:

      Thank you, I appreciate that.

      Liked by 1 person

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