This picture sums up the week I spent on the Big Island.
Awe inspiring; breathtaking, invigorating and reflective are some of the adjectives that come to mind.
In retrospect, I was lost but was able to find myself here, but up to this point I was shamefully oblivious to the fact that I’ve been wasting my time. As Hawaii was quick to show herself as an environment that is purely conducive to a being the writer that I’ve been suppressing for longer than I care to admit.
Sometimes it takes a proverbial kick in the pants to reorient yourself back to the things that are truly important, being cognizant of what gives you JOY, rather than doing something that takes JOY from you.
Realizing that I was wasting my time was one thing, but knowing the necessary steps to employ in regaining the steering wheel of my life was another thing altogether.
This reality weighed heavily on me, because not knowing that you are lost, is tantamount to being in prison with time ceasing to be that essential element that adds urgency to the fruition of goals, but goals be damned; I have mandates…
The spirit of Hawaii was just what my soul needed, as I found myself in a perpetually good mood,
with the toxicity of my 12 to 14 hour work days falling away like the layers of an onion. It wasn’t long before I realized that I didn’t like the person that I was on the outer layers, truth be told I loathed this person.
Solace and beauty was everywhere and seemingly in everything … I felt compelled to soak it in at every turn, but I slowly came to the realization that pulling over to the side of the road every time Mother Nature beckoned me to do so wouldn’t be prudent, because I’d be stopping every couple of feet.
But, I was acutely aware that savoring each moment that I had on the island would be essential.
Later on during my trip, I found myself standing on a pier, unclear of where I was other than being entranced by the breeze blowing across my skin which served as a reminder that in leaving here, that I would never be the same.
I was shaken from my hypnotic state as I watched a boat slowly make its way towards the shore and I couldn’t help but to wonder if the occupants of the vessel had the same peace of mind that I was feeling at this moment in time.
As I thought about my impending return to the mainland, I remember a sense of foreboding enveloping me and for a fraction of a second I was tempted to frantically wave my hands at the boat and offer my services in exchange for the uncertainty of tropical newness over what passes as my existence on the mainland.
And… It was there that it hit me, I was living a boldface lie.
Damnit, I just want to write… And if I’m not writing, what is this so-called life that I am living?
How can I justify letting my alter-ego run my life while I sit idly by?
So now what?